29 weeks, 2 days...

Well, I must admit, my 3 am wake up to go pee is always flooded with many thoughts. First being....yay I am not in labour and how on earth am I going to birth a child again, lol. Secondly, holy shit in a short time 3 am wake up calls will not be a quick washroom break but feeding time for a wee little one. Thirdly...can I do this again?! The months that followed Lyrik's birth were tough. I went through alot of anxiety and in all truth, I really felt it took me a couple years before I felt I had a handle on this so-called motherhood thing. I assumed it would come to me easily; it changed me. I had many days where I missed the "old" me. Longing for the independent woman that was confident and carefree...a woman without this new level of dependency and vulnerability that comes with having a child and becoming a parent.

We got pregnant quick with Lyrik, two months after losing a baby girl at almost 24 weeks gestation. Was it healing, most definitely, was it a tad bit fast being our hearts were still incredibly broken, absolutely. I tend to assume (and hope) that those tough months after our little blessing made his appearance had something to do with the loss.  5 years later, I have to be in a better place right? Regardless, we are doing this, there is no turning back. Having another little boy and becoming a family of 4...I think we are ready for this:). There is definitely those 3 am moments, but drowning the panic is this new level of excitement, of confidence, of love. I am looking forward to experiencing all the stages of a growing babe once again. I feel proud of my sweet, almost 5 year old and how we have and are raising him. Most importantly I feel my love is multiplying; when I look at Lyrik, when I feel the kicks, and when I think of introducing my boys.

xoxo